I don't generally share the deep feelings of my heart on my blog. There is this hesitation because once I throw it out there, I can't take it back. But I'd like to share a little of my heart with you today.
Having a second child was a huge act of faith for me. Alaina was/still is a wonder kid, and I knew that having another baby would disrupt the comfortable routine we had, and demand much more of my time. But it's hard to ignore that feeling when you know the Lord wants you to do something even if you may not want to do it. So Jesse was born, and I assumed that because I was obedient to a prompting that the Lord would somehow snap His fingers and transform me into this power mom, and having 2 kids would be cake. Nope. The first 8 weeks of Jesse's life were the hardest of my life. More tears fell and more prayers rose up in that time than in any other time of my life. Jesse cried all the time, struggled with breastfeeding, and didn't (still doesn't) sleep well. I remember wondering why I felt inspired to bring so much hardship upon myself.
Jesse is nearly five months old now, and we have gotten past those difficult days. He still takes much more care than Alaina ever did, but he always smiles to make up for it. I have recognized drastic personal growth in myself over the past five months, and I am beginning to see why it is important for me to have children. It's refining me. And let's be honest: my son and daughter are also my greatest source of joy. Nothing better than hearing your toddler say "I love you so much Mommy."
I am also coming to understand God's nature better as I become a full-fledged parent.
My life motto is "I can do hard things," because doing hard things can strengthen character. And I'm starting to get the hang of this hard thing we call parenthood. I still dread those teenage years though...
