Teeth chattering

I've decided to become an advocate for global warming. Yes, you heard me correctly. For global warming. After Jack Frost killed my favorite season with subzero temperatures and icy winds, I decided that a warmer world doesn't sound so bad. So I'm buying an SUV. And I'm cranking up the furnace. And I'm all for the Keystone pipeline. Burn those fossil fuels, baby, burn!
Ok, clearly the cabin fever is getting to me, but really. It is SO COLD. I've never read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, but I'm pretty sure the logic is that Venus is closer to the Sun. And, I'm pretty sure they're lying about the whole fire and brimstone thing; I bet hell is just like the Midwest in January.